Still Waiting

I am in what I call the honeymoon phase.  I am waiting on test to come back which takes about 2 weeks.  I can't move ahead with radiation until then, and the drug, Tamoxifan can't be started until the radiation is finished. Right when I start to feel back on track, we'll have to start all over again.  I'm told that once radiation is over, I'll feel like I have my life back again.  I went to lunch with Amber and Ellie today.  It helped make the cloudy, rainy day seem brighter. More pictures to come.  Keep checkin back.

Looking ahead

When this is all over, Bob promised a relaxing little vacation, this was taken last June at Intercontinental Montelucia in Scottsdale.  Very nice.

Office visit

My poor veins are shot, a simple blood test takes several attempts.

My medical oncologist, Dr. Meng.  Very sweet and incredibly intelligent.  We spent an hour or so going over test and treatment plans.

Her office is more like a day spa instead of a cancer center.  Very soothing and comforting.

Many awards line her office walls.

Pink bow, pink dress, pink shirt!  Abby and I are making a statement.

Clean Margins

I met with the medical oncologist yesterday and she confirmed that the surgeon has removed the cancerous area and clean margins have been obtained.  We all breathed a sigh of relief.  She wanted to run a few more test to see if the chance of recurrence is high, and also what the tumor was compromised of.  I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted, but at the same time an incredible sense of emotion.  I think it is the combination of no estrogen in my body, and the mere fact that I have been on an emotional roller coaster the past month.  When I think back on all that has taken place in a short amount of time, it suddenly overwhelms me, and I can't hold back the tears. I want to feel like myself again, but I am too impatient and want it now.  My only complaint, is the fatique that has a hold on me right now.  I have so much to be thankful for, I try to press on and think of only the positive.  The plan for the moment, is 6 weeks of radiation and if the blood test are good, then 5 years of Tamoxifan.

Dr. Nancy Piper, the best anesthesiologist.  I requested her on Monday, and she was there on Friday.  Amazing since she only works part-time.

The look of a concerned hubby watching his wife being wheeled away for the 2nd time in less than 2 weeks.

State of the art ordering system for food!  By the way, Scottsdale North Hospital has the best food.

Breakfast for Bob

and then there is breakfast for Marie...No I didn't eat all that.  I ordered extra for Bob later.

Tying shoes is suddenly not so easy, Hubby to the rescue.

Reality

One of the things that makes you feel like things have changed, is when your not able to do what is the norm.  For me, that is being able to go to church.  I enjoy teaching, singing in the choir and just being around those who are closest to me.  I consider it a joy and a privilage to serve the Lord at North Valley Baptist Church.  Today, I had to stay home, and I hate that. I know that pushing myself right now is not a good thing to do, although it's hard to keep me down.  Bob insisted that I take it easy and stay away from any possiblility of getting germs from anyone.  Ashley is working, the kids are with her, and Bob and Caleb are at church, so the house is quite and erie, again, anything but normal!  lol  I'll take this time to chill a bit knowing that tomorrow we'll be back on tract with normalcy, hopefully that is.  I wouldn't have is any other way.

Another one down

It's Saturday evening and I am just getting around to posting.  The 2nd surgery is over and Dr. Bourne said she hopes this is the last time.  She said that the third time is not a charm when surgery is involved.  There is still no way to be completly sure until the pathology report comes back, so another waiting game.
I feel more tired this time and in more pain, but nothing I can't handle.  I can't wait to feel like myself again.  Abby said, "Gammy I wish you didn't have cancer"  It kills me to hear her mention those words.  It sounds so grown up for such a little kid.
Recovery went a little better thanks to the anesthesiologist, DR. Nany Piper. God answered my prayers by allowing her to put me to sleep.   She studied my past surgeries to see what might be causing the myoclonic siezures.  Although that still happend, I was not sick this time and my head didn't hurt.  The spasms leave me tired and sore.  Bob never left my side, bless his heart. I do have pictures to post, but I have to wait for Ashley to come home for that! Hope to have those tomorrow.  I'm taking my pain pills now and calling it a night.  Thank you for your prayers.

Through It All

I'm on my way to the hospital shortly, my check in time is 12:00 and surgery is a 1:45.  The song "Through It All" popped into my head last night, and I am once again reminded that I am not enduring this alone.  If you have never heard the song, take a moment and google the lyrics and read through them.  Please pray for Bob, as this is hard on him emotionally.  He's the only one that sees me at the worst part of it.  They say that an illness such as cancer is often harder on the spouse than the one going through it. I believe it.  He has been by my side every step of the way.  He's my rock, my comfort, and my best friend.  I love you baby!  Couldn't do it without you.  God blessed me with you.
I'll try to post tomorrow afternoon, see ya'll then.

Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.... Helen Keller

I saw this quote today from Helen Keller, and I thought for a moment of how true that really is.   We can look at situations as though it is the worst thing ever, or turn it into a positive, and realize that everything is in God's hands, and he makes no mistakes.  I couldn't sleep last night and the words I kept hearing over was "why me", "why now?  It's as though a soft voice said, why not you!  I know that from experiencing trials, it's when I grow the most and become more dependent on the Lord. I step back and realize I can't fix everthing, and I'm not a superwoman.  I may never know the real reason, but I do know that I am at peace with it, and I will use this time in my life to learn,be patient, and be willing to help others who may be going through the same thing.  Writing these thoughts down and sharing them those I love, has really become a source of therapy.  Here's hoping for a good nights sleep!  14 hours til surgery #2

The sweetest things...

Uhhh Gammy, is it ok to use my support bracelet as a teether?  I do have on my "I love Gammy t-shirt"

It's a wonderful thing to have friends stop by and bring you quiche, muffins, and fruit!  We had a much neede girl time.

Thanks girls, love ya

Don't you just love kids and the things they say?  I made breakfast for Abby this morning, and made a happy face in the toast.  She said to me, " Gammy, I'm so happy your my Gammy again," not quite understanding what she meant, I said, "Abby I'll always be your Gammy, she responded, "yeah, but your not broken anymore".  Broken to her was me not being able to pick her up and play as much for a few days.  Little does she know, Gammy is going to be broken again tomorrow.  The hardest part about surgery, is not knowing how to explain to a 4 year old, Gammy may be sick for a while oh well,  that's why God made good make-up!!  It hides the fatique.  Thank you Clinique!!

Happy birthday to Amber!  We had a fun lunch at El Encanto.

Bestest daughters ever!!

Talk about permanent support!! It looks like my diagnosis has brought out the wild side of the family.... Thank you Katie, xoxoxo

All I wanted was a hug Hunter, but I see that ball in the corner took priority.

I can always count on my Abby, who gives hugs all the time...and kisses

Surgery

I went to see Dr. Bourne today for my follow-up visit after surgery.  She is the type of Dr. that could make a 5lb tumor seem like a piece of cake.  She is very calming and reassures me that the next surgery should yeild clean margins, but if not, they could do a 3rd.  It's not uncommon to do that.  She gave me my pathology report, and of course I came home and looked up every word that I didn't understand.  That's probably not a good idea, but I want to become educated about the diagnosis and the progress.  My 2nd surgery is scheduled for this Friday at 1:45.  I'm sure I'll be saying overnight.  I have requested the same anesthesiologist that I had before, hopefully this will allow me to have a better recovery.

Charting my course, and keepin the faith

As most of you know by now that I was diagnosed with Infiltrative Ductal Carcinoma on February 10th.  What that means is, I have a common form of breast cancer that has spread from a closed cell to the surrounding tissue.  After completing many test,scans and procedures, my surgeon went into action and removed part of the tumor on March 1st.  Dr. Bourne called me on the 4th to advise me that the margins of the tumor were not clean and that I would have to undergo an additional surgery.  I am told they usually allow 3 times for success.

I had a meeting today with the radiation oncologist to discuss fruther treatment.  That has to be on hold until the 2nd surgery is complete.  Dr. Quiet is on of the top Dr's on radiation in the country.  I feel blessed to have assembled a wonder team of Dr's.

So why the blog?  I have been amazed by the outpouring of love that has been showered to me, my husband and children.  Many inquire daily about the way I'm feeling, what lies ahead, and how are the children handling the stress.  I am fortunate to have relatives and friends all over the country who are praying for me.  I thought this would the be the most efficient way to let everyone know how I am.  We want to make sure that no one is left out concerning the accurate and up to date information.  We all know how things get twisted when information is relayed several times!

God bless each of you,

I love Ya'll

Ashley's way of handling stress and showing support!

She bought this for me to take to my appts. and procedures.  Hope was with me in the hospital last week.

The office of Dr. Quiet.  Very nice.

Horrible picture of me, especially when the Dr. is 6'4'' 120 lbs, lol

My supportive husband by my side, checking on last e-mail before being called back.

By the Dr's own admittance, she is one of the best in the country.  Many consult her on her techniques.