Friday, February 3, 2012

Dr. Meng

Fast approaching Feb 10th, almost a year since my diagnosis.  I can't believe that much time has actually passed, but here I am, a survivor.  Receiving that kind of news was devastating to say the least, but this past week I was dealt another blow. Dr. Meng sent a letter to her patients stating she would no  longer be in practice in AZ.  She was my medical oncologist. You could have pushed me over with a feather.  What about my treatment? What happened to being a part of the family? (meaning her office and staff) Who will spend an hour chatting with Bob and I on visits? Making us laugh and feeling like we were seeing a friend, not a Dr.  All of a sudden I felt lost, scared, and not certain that anyone else could give me the care she did. Almost as if my life, medically, was hanging in a balance. I literally spent a few days in tears when I thought about her leaving.  I didn't get a chance to take her a card or make a dessert, lol ( I did that often for her and her staff).

It was then that I heard that still quiet voice again saying, "Marie, where are you putting your faith"? "Your putting your faith in a person, did I not create her?" "Your trusting in her expertise and wisdom." " Did I not give her the brain to become a Dr."  "Your life isn't hanging in a balance, its tucked securely in my hands."  I chose to give you cancer to be a blessing to others, and I chose to heal you to continue my work here."  I had to admit my guilt as I put faith and trust where is didn't belong.  Thank you Lord for gently reminding me, your in control.  I'll miss her, but I realize God put her in my life at exactly the time I needed her.  She was a wonderful Dr. but I had a GREAT PHYSICIAN all along.